I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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