I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
