the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
