i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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