I think I won the penis lottery.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
