i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
