did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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