he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
