i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Text me some of your sweat
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