Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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