One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
