At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
