I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
