I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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