I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have feelings that need drinking.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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