Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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