tell your sister to shave her snatch
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
