So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
