You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
