Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
