I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
