i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
