Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
