I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
