We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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