We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
