Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
