He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
