I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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