Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
MIDGETS
????
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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