I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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