A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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