mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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