I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
