just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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