Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
