If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
