if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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