Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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