Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
