duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
