I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
