hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
