I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
