i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize