Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
