Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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