He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
