if you like me you must not know who I am
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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