Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
