probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
