that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
