Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
