i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
