My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
