and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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