Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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