I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
