well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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