well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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