I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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