There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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