I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
