wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
