Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
