I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
