he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
