Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
