i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
