i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
