My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
