There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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