you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
