ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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