Don't you send me to vm
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
