I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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